Overwhelming.

I didn't want to give in. But i guess i did. I never felt so overwhelmed in school like yesterday. The moment consultation ended, i felt my tears welling up. All i thought of was seriously, to just give the whole thing up. I felt so shitty, it felt like i haven't stepped onto the battlefield, but i was defeated. I didn't like that feeling, at all. Everything ran through my mind and i seriously wished i could really talk to someone, but everyone was so busy helping Q out with his submission. So i sat there, quietly thinking. I really never felt like that before, the feeling just sucked really badly and it starts engulfing me and then it killed me, totally.

Secretly, deep down, i wished i could text the usual and do a verbal diarrhea but things felt different and it's not the same anymore. I really felt so useless and beaten. So, i decided to text Mathias. (Deep inside, i was so afraid that I'll break down like the last last time i talked to him) Which, Thank God i didn't. I survived. I don't know why but it feels like, he doesn't judge you like how many would, and the things he said made sense and he was right, all the time. So by the end of the almost two hour talk, i was back in one piece. Thank God.

Studio lighting seems like fun today. And guess who i grouped with? Chloe and Nicole. I foresee lots of joy and fun. I hope the module doesn't get too heavy till next week, Tuesday perhaps?

I need to concentrate and stop procrastinating.